I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
