My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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