I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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