we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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