Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
