im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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