The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
