I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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