if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize