my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
