I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
