How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my sisters under your porch take her home
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
