this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I forget how to act sober
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