I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
