remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
