I can tuck mytits in my pants
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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