As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
