Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
