I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
