so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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