she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
