i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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