My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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