You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
