I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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