Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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