How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize