Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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