I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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