Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
