I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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