So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
