evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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