I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
