He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
