please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
