He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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