i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
