just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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