4 words: hood of his car
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
