oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
