Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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