Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
