is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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