i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
