member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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