i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
