see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
