that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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