Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
