i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights