I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she pinky promised me she was 18
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?