TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.