I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.