Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..