Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.