I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i drank out of a bidet.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
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i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.