you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.