Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
