Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize