Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What drink are we having for lunch?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
