So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
