YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
