ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
