I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize