The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
