you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
