morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
false alarm, still single
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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