Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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